Jankily Solve All of Your Company's Tech Needs

Looking for a double-helix transistor to magnify your oblidisk? Want to discuss ballooning algorithms or Dormison's Paradox? We've got your back. Probably.

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We've got what you need!

Everyone from our lazy techs to our lying sales people works as little as they can to make sure our product is any good

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Things we claim to offer

Guaranteed Uptime

We guarantee that our servers probably be up time.

Faster Than Everyone Else

As fast as that silly rocket icon.

Super Secure

Using the latest ROT26 encryption technology. It's twice as secure as ROT13!


Obviously we didn't bother with any security while making it wireless...

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with our voicemail

(202) 456-1414